What
by kyaru-chan
Summary: Also known as The Mysterious Coupling of Cousin What and Viktor Krum. Definite Squick, with more than a hint of slash and maybe het. Not for those with sensitive constitutions or heart problems. Be warned.


Title: The Mysterious Coupling of Cousin What and Viktor Krum

Crossover: Harry Potter and the Addams Family

Summary: If you have to ask, then you don't know the biggest mystery in Harveste Addams and the Goblet of Fire. And that is such a shame, isn't it?

Warning: Addams Family Sadism and… wow, I don't know. It can't be slash, now can it? Let's just settle with Squick, yes? Definite Squick, with more than a hint of slash and maybe het. I don't know how this is going to turn out, but I do know that this is going to be so not for kids that it isn't funny, I swear. You have been warned. Seriously.

I have no apology for this. I just needed to get it out of my head before my brain exploded. I have been reading far too much porn lately, and once I glanced over Harveste Addams again just to get myself back into the flow, this just jumped out, and since I am not yet ready to write this sort of thing for Harveste himself, I figured this would be the next best thing. And of course, it's practice!

This is set during the summer of HBP, during Harveste and Co.'s trip to Norway. Didn't think I'd forget, did you?

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They were barely inside their bedroom when What pounced on him like a many-legged octopus. Viktor had a second to cast a Silencing Spell before he was slammed against the closed door. He could only hope Harveste and his friends would not decide to undo the magic. What liked to hear him scream.

"Perhaps we should not do this tonight." He muttered thickly, even as the accursedly floppy hat that What insisted on wearing was flung to the side. "Our guests…"

'Let them hear.' The pleasant buzz rippled over his skin, the vibrations carried by the fine strands already caressing his body under his clothes. 'They are old enough to know what sex is.'

"Yes, but-"

'And if they desire to bed my Cousin, as I suspect at least one of them does-' If What had a mouth, it would be smirking. 'Well, they should know what sex with an Addams sounds like. It will be an education.'

"You are wicked. If only they knew what you actually say when you speak to me." Viktor's chuckle died in his throat as the hair that made up What's form threaded into the weave of his shirt and ripped it open. It never ceased to amaze him that tresses so delicately thin could be so strong. Certainly not strong enough to lift two hundred and ten pounds of dense, Quidditch-toned muscle to carry to their bed, but What was.

Viktor was settled against the pillows, his lover already busily undoing the buckles and buttons on his trousers. If it was up to the Addams, Viktor's work gear would have gone the way of his shirt, but the furred leather of the Magaliesberg Snowbeard was hard enough to find without destroying a pair whenever What was feeling horny. With a hum of satisfaction, the last buckle clattered open, and Viktor obligingly lifted his hips so What could pull them off. He wasn't wearing anything underneath. There wasn't any point really, not when he spent just as much time out of his clothes as in them.

'You are stunning, Professor Krum.' What murmured, pushing him back to lie down against the cotton sheets. 'As stunning a man as I have ever seen.'

"If you are buttering me up in apology for ruining my clothes, you are forgiven." Viktor rolled his eyes, levering himself up onto his elbows to gaze down the length of his body, trying once more to see exactly what his lover found beautiful about him.

His blue shirt, pinstriped in a darker shade, was the only thing he was wearing now. All the buttons had been ripped away by What's assault, and the shirt hung open on either side of him. He was short, as a Seeker usually was, a point recently brought home by the height of Blaise Zabini. The only comfort was that he still remained taller than Harveste and Draco. He was stocky and compact, each muscle outlined under his pale skin. There was almost nothing to do in Durmstrang when classes were finished, and the best way to combat the bitter cold was to work out. He liked to think he was not as horrendously big as some of the American wrestlers he frequently saw on the television, but well-defined enough to put a decent strain on his clothes when he flexed.

His skin was peppered with tiny, dark moles that What liked to count, some hidden by the down of hair that started at the center of his chest, spreading across his pectoral muscles to ring around his brown nipples, narrowing into a tapering arrow all the way down to his abdomen and between his legs where What, wielding a straight razor twice a week, kept his groin relatively curl-free, except for a small patch just above his cock.

His cock that What had just enfolded in cool golden strands and was now stroking possessively. Viktor moaned as a curled tendril nudged over and under his testicles. The rest of What's hair was spread over his body, caressing the pulse points of his wrists, throat and ankles while teasing his nipples into hardness. A length was around his waist, holding him steady as he thrust upwards into his lover's ministrations. The curtain of hair swallowed him, enveloping him in amazing softness that still managed to flex over his throbbing need like a real mouth.

He ran his hand over the top of What's head, smiling wistfully. It was at times like these when he wished What did actually have a body, with skin to run his tongue over, fingers to suck, lips to ravish. It wasn't fair, really. What was able to give him all this pleasure, and he could do nothing in return, except to hold on and try not to become undone too soon.

'You are tense, my Viktor, and not in a good way.' Viktor's breath hitched on another moan as the inquisitive buzzing reverberated through every hair, making his cock tingle deliciously. 'What are you thinking about?'

"Nothing but you." He said truthfully.

What chuckled gently, making the breath he was fighting for leave him in a desperate whoosh. The blond head bobbed upwards, the hair slipping and sliding around his cock as What maneuvered upwards so Viktor could press his face against his lover's plush coolness. He licked tentatively, the pink of the muscle a warm contrast against the fair locks. What purred invitingly and he took a mouthful to suck on.

The strands filled every part of his mouth, exploring slowly, letting his tongue thrust through the slickness to mirror the thrusts of his lower body. It was a maddening sensation, especially when they bunched together to form a wide knot that slipped free between his lips before pushing back in again. The famous Bulgarian Seeker was reduced to a mewling, panting mess when it pushed insistently against the back of his throat so he could wet the full length. The first time What had done it, all those years ago, Viktor had started coughing at the ticklish sensation. Now he was used to it, and What was careful to keep the ends of hair tucked into the knot.

A simultaneous tugging on his balls and a feathering sensation over his already weeping slit made him gasp, and What pulled out of his mouth before he could choke. The feathering continued, dancing the very tips of What's hair through his pre-cum and sensitive head, over and over again.

'Feels good?' What asked in an amused, teasing tone, almost unheard under Viktor's sharp cry.

"I want you inside me, Valravn, now." Viktor gritted his teeth as he was tugged around to settle on his hands and knees, the amazing friction still around his cock. What, who weighed absolutely nothing unless deemed necessary, settled behind him. The knot remained unmoving against his lips, but now he felt his entrance being fondled. Arcs of hair brushed over the flexing ring of muscle before a twist entered him, so small as to be barely felt.

'Enough?'

"No, damn you. You know it is not." He would have pushed against the tentative intrusion if What hadn't been holding him about his waist. The touch was light as a breeze but stronger than iron. Blond tresses held his wrists together and pulled a little front of him. Another tipped his chin up, making him arch his back to its full extent, while another-

A whistle through the air was Viktor's only warning before his ass was whipped sharply. As he opened his mouth to scream, the knot was stuffed back into the wet cavern to muffle him.

'You are being impolite tonight. Shall I punish you, Viktor?'

Before he could shake his head, two more lashes landed across his buttocks. He jerked forwards with the force of the blows, his jaw aching as he fought to keep his mouth open and not bite down. The last time he did that, he could not sit down for a week.

Three more, and Viktor was shuddering with exertion. The pain was exquisite, the pleasure even more so, and when What bent to nuzzle over the reddening skin, there was only pleasure. The knot slipped out of his panting mouth, leaving a trail of saliva down his back before it unraveled to prod damply at his crack.

'Tell me again, Viktor.' What said indulgently.

"What…" He moaned thickly. "It is not enough. I want more- fuck, more of you."

What slid the wet clump into him without preamble, one smooth long stroke that would have had him cumming if What's hold hadn't already tightened around his cock in anticipation. And then the knot reformed, seemingly huge inside his tight heat. The brutal pounding began, and he was lost.

No matter how wound up Viktor got, no matter how hard they were going at it, even when he was panting and keening like he was now, What never seemed out of breath. The normal high-pitched buzz lowering into a growl was the only change in his lover's tone, and it made him feel wonderfully debauched.

'Imagine if your students heard you, Professor Krum. What would they think of you, swearing and moaning like a whore? Would they ever look at you the same way, hmm? What would they say if they saw you spread like this?'

"I- I do not- Oh, What, please-"

'You'd like it, wouldn't you? I think you would. No longer a paragon of the Dark Arts, no longer their perfect, untouchable professor, nothing but a dirty, wanton whore. My whore.'

Viktor gasped, torn between listening to What's filthy remarks and feeling the bumpy knob inside him flex ninety degrees to drum against his prostate. He settled for dissolving into mindless Bulgarian.

'You love it, you know you do. Say it out loud, Viktor.' What purred dangerously. 'Tell me what a whore you are.'

"Nn-" Viktor growled and forced his eyes open, grinning ferociously over his shoulder at his lover, goading the rapacious beast to do its worst. "No."

'Naughty, disobedient little slut.' What chuckled against his back. 'Very well.'

Without removing the silken length from deep inside Viktor, What pulled him around forcefully, letting go of his wrists to clasp his thighs and yank them wide apart. He would swear that his eyes rolled back with the force of What's thrusts, a considerately placed pillow the only thing keeping his head from banging against the headboard. His neglected shaft bobbed between them, oozing pre-cum onto his belly, one thin tendril lashed around the underside of the head and another around the base to prevent him from completion.

"Whaaaaat," He couldn't help but whine. "Please…"

'You know what to say, Valravn.'

"Your whore," He finally whispered reluctantly. It made him feel absolutely dirty to say it, no matter that he had already said it a thousand times before, but as always, once he had said it, more kept spilling out. "Your filthy, dirty, fucking whore, What. Only for you- I do not care who sees me, who hears me, just as long as you keep loving me like this -"

'Viktor,' What purred softly. 'My Viktor.'

Two strokes along his freed throbbing cock was all it took. He bit down hard on the inside of his left wrist as his orgasm exploded through his body. Stars danced behind his eyelids.

After a long while, he felt What slip off him, and he opened his eyes blearily. The sight before him made him groan with lust. What was half-folded at the end of the bed, the equivalent of a human body sitting on its haunches, the front part of the golden hair darkened and matted together with smears of cum. There was an air of satisfaction around What, and even as Viktor watched, the white stickiness faded away… was sucked away, into the mysterious depths of his mysterious lover, as if they were never there.

What hummed happily and Viktor imagined that if the hair did have a face under it, it would definitely be licking its lips. The mere thought of that, and the fact that a lock of hair had wound around his bitten wrist and was absorbing the sluggish flow of blood, made his spent, softened cock twitch with renewed desire.

'You are insatiable.'

"You make me so, my devilish darling." Viktor smiled softly. He twisted his left hand around, regardless of the twinge of pain, and drew his lover closer to run his lips over the sunny locks. "If I could kiss you…"

'We would not stop at kissing.' What drew back curiously. 'Was that what you were thinking about? That I did not have a normal body?'

"Yes."

'Did I not please you sufficiently?'

He groaned at the suggestive tone, and again when a questing lock curled around his thigh to tease at his quivering opening once more. "If I were any more pleased, I would be dead."

'That is one goal I shall apply myself to whole-heartedly.' The silky knot entered him again, gently flexing just inside the ring of muscle. It was a strange comfort, not titillating so soon after his release but pleasantly stimulating all the same. What nuzzled the underside of his chin. 'Would you love me any more if I was normal, Viktor?'

"I love you just as you are, my darling, with all my heart. I just wish I could give you the same pleasure."

'Your pleasure is my pleasure.' Hair brushed over his lips and he licked at them in their strange parody of a kiss. What hummed again. 'Though I admit it would be nice to know just how it feels to be fucked into the bed. You seem to enjoy it.'

Viktor chuckled. "You have no idea."

The knot began to move, starting a slow, shallow rhythm. 'Then I suppose you will have no objections when I tell you what Cousin Harveste plans to gift to me for our bonding next summer.'

"Your family is too generous. Karkaroff was more than enough."

'All Addams adore weddings. It is the prospect of limitless food, buffet or otherwise. And they like you very much, just as I do. Very, very much.'

His breath hitched as the last three words were punctuated with deep, lightning-fast jabs. What began to pick up the movements, weaving the tips of hair over and around his wrists to pin him to the very bed. Viktor was gasping in no time, but gamely attempted to continue the conversation.

"What is it that he will give you?"

'A body of my own. A living manikin tuned only to me. I cannot use it all the time of course, and I would not want to, but my Cousin thought it would be a novel experience for us.'

Viktor had no doubt what kind of 'experience' What was referring to, just as he had no doubt that Harveste had planned the manikin's use to be exactly for that. He did not envy the dark-haired American's friends if ever he decided to couple with one (or more) of them. Any and all Addams were as sexually deviant as What in bed. He could vouch for that in any court.

"Still, I do not wish to be indebted to- oh, gods, yes, right there!"

The sound of What laughing sent excruciatingly pleasant tremors deep inside his ass and Viktor felt the bedcovers rip under his tightly clenched hands.

"There is no need for a body. You are perfect as you are, Valravn, so perfect-"

'I want to do it, for me. I would have you bite me, Viktor, to mark me so that everyone knows we are together. To bite me so hard and share with me the taste of my own blood. I wish to feel you writhe under my hands, to taste your body for real, to lick you and suck you until you beg louder than you've ever begged before.' The heated purr slid over Viktor's senses, driving him wild with every word. 'To trace the contours of your cock with my own fingers, to run my own tongue over your tender sac and over the crown of your erection and taste your cum the way I want to. To feel and taste it as you spurt into my mouth and know that you will never let anyone experience the same thing, no matter that they have a normal body at all times and I do not.'

"Fuck, What…" He was so hot he was going to go insane, if he was not already. The images his lover painted for him danced behind his tightly shut eyes, and he felt a scream clawing its way out of his throat.

'And to have you fuck me. To fuck me, as I have done to you, to have that gloriously beautiful shaft inside of me. I know how you long to do that, to have me spread my legs for you, to open myself up so you can be inside me for real. Can you imagine it, Viktor? Do you want to fuck me?'

"Gods, yes, oh yes-" He would be thrashing now if What's hair hadn't locked him down securely. As it was, he dimly realized he was screaming, yet again. What always knew exactly what to say to drive him crazy.

'Would you want me to be a woman, Viktor, with breasts that you can squeeze and suck on? A sultry vixen moaning your name as you pump into her dripping, naughty cunt?' What's voice was low once more, rumbling with amusement and lust as the knot of hair, now double its size, continued to pump deep into his willing body. 'Or would you like me to be a man, to be able to suck on my cock and feel it going down your throat?"

"Yes, fuck yes-"

'Either way, I will have an ass that you can tongue-fuck. To spread my cheeks apart and lick me, to delve your tongue into me until I clench around it, just like you are doing to me right now, until I'm quivering under you and clamoring for your hard shaft… would you like that, Valravn?'

"Yessss." He hissed mindlessly, helplessly. "What, don't stop, please. I'm so close…"

'I shall never let you sleep, my Viktor, once I get a body. You will fuck me all over this house and fill me up until your cum runs down my legs, until I am drowning in your taste, and still you will not stop. I will not let you. You are all mine.'

Satiny tendrils found his nipples, tightening around them almost painfully as the ends teased the very tips, and just like that, he was undone once more. Viktor's back bowed, lifting them both off the bed and, biting his lip so hard it bled, he came.

When he finally regained his senses, What had withdrawn from his depths and was now tenderly mopping up every streak of ejaculate and every drop of blood, waiting for him to speak.

"You are the personification of evil." He finally breathed, his voice hoarse. "A beautiful, twisted sex fiend."

'True.' What finished cleaning them both up and stretched alongside him. 'But you like it anyway.'

Viktor threw an arm over his eyes with a tired sigh. It was the only part of his body that he thought he could move at the moment. The rest of him felt deliciously boneless. A corner of his lips quirked up as he felt What's hair feathering over him platonically. It was less dense than a blanket but it kept his body from getting too cold, perfect after their exertions. "You will break my mind one of these days, and then what will you do?"

'I shall put you back together.' What said simply. 'Which will you choose, Viktor, male or female? Cousin Harveste wishes to know as soon as possible.'

"I do not care."

'Surely you must have a preference?'

"I do not." Viktor peered from under his arm. What was levered up off his chest a bit, and even without eyes, he knew What was looking at him. He smiled. "I truly do not. Cunt or cock, it is all the same to me. As long as it is you, What, I will be pleased. It is you that I love, not a body."

'You are a sap, Viktor Krum.' What chuckled as a tendril caressed his face adoringly. 'Very well. I will choose for us.'

"Good." Viktor convinced his exhausted body to turn over on its side, pulling a pillow close to his face. Already sleep was ghosting over him. "We have an early day tomorrow. Draco wishes to get to Nurmengard at nine in the morning 'to beat the crowd'. I was going to tell him that we would be Grindelwald's first visitors in twenty years, but I was afraid his head would explode from the novelty."

'Undoubtedly.' What said purred pleasantly, like the engine of a very expensive car.

Viktor, almost asleep, blinked. What never used that tone of voice, unless-

He was flipped over unceremoniously, bent double with his knees around his ears and his ass high in the air before he could protest. What hovered above him, blocking out the light as he was entered Yet Again.

"What, stop it- No more, gods-"

'Not a chance.' His lover chirped happily. 'We have until next year to prepare you for the sexing of a lifetime. It will not do to have your stamina give out in the middle of it. I foresee many, many long nights of practice before you are ready, and there is no time like the present.'

Viktor groaned, first in exasperation, then in resignation. A long night of practice indeed.

-.-.-.-…-.-.-.-

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End of One-shot

BWAHAHAHAHA! Ohmigods, I was going insane, keeping that laugh in. It was so hard not giving What a pronoun. Anyway, I am super pleased with this, as I am with all the pRon I write… and gosh, who would have ever suspected calm, collected and relatively cool Cousin What to be such a filthy, kinky horndog? I certainly didn't. I think I need a cold shower… you lucky bastard, Viktor, you.

Well, with this out of the way, hopefully I can get on to equally important things, like the next chapter to HBP! Keep your fingers crossed!


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